The Dark Night of the Soul
Be not Fearful for God is Near
Sometimes we enter a dark night of the soul, where God seems distant from us. This is only an illusion, for God is closer to us than our own breath. These times are allowed by God to bring us closer to Him, much like the loving parent who stands her child on his feet, walks a few feet away holding out her arms, and waits for the child to take his first steps. She is ever ready to reach out and lift the child up should he start to fall, but she knows she must distance herself for a few moments if the child is going to learn to stand on his own two feet. We are like that.
When you find it difficult to pray, light your lampada before your icons and sit silently before them. Say to God, I am hurting and sad, and am unable to speak to You, so I need You to speak to my heart. Sometimes the most profitable spiritual growth can take place in such periods of brokenness because we see in these moments how very much we need God and depend upon Him.
Be not fearful, dear ones, for God is near, and will not leave you. The Lord is allowing these dry moments, where you are fearing He has left you, as the way of making you reach out to Him. When we are struggling, or even suffering, we grow stronger in our faith. Prayer will return as long is you give God moments in your life when you avail yourself in silence, and listen for His voice.
The parent who constantly does his child's homework, does him no favor, for the child never learns to stand on his own, and will forever remain dependent on his parent. The Lord wants us to grow strong in our faith, while entering into a mature relationship with Him. If we do not learn to stand on our own, we will forever be like the codependent child, never having the skills to reach high places, and forever remaining weak and fearful.
Love in Christ,
Abbot Tryphon
Be not Fearful for God is Near
Tu vero reppulísti et reiecísti, * irátus es contra christum tuum;
evertísti testaméntum servi tui, * profanásti in terram diadéma eius.
Destruxísti omnes muros eius, * posuísti munitiónes eius in ruínas.
Diripuérunt eum omnes transeúntes viam, * factus est oppróbrium vicínis suis.
Exaltásti déxteram depriméntium eum, * lætificásti omnes inimícos eius.
Avertísti áciem gládii eius * et non es auxiliátus ei in bello.
Finem posuísti splendóri eius * et sedem eius in terram collisísti.
Minorásti dies iuventútis eius, * perfudísti eum confusióne.
Usquequo, Dómine, abscondéris in finem, * exardéscet sicut ignis ira tua?
Memoráre, quam brevis mea substántia. * Ad quam vanitátem creásti omnes fílios hóminum?
Quis est homo, qui vivet et non vidébit mortem, * éruet ánimam suam de manu ínferi?
Ubi sunt misericórdiæ tuæ antíquæ, Dómine, * sicut iurásti David in veritáte tua?
Memor esto, Dómine, oppróbrii servórum tuórum, * quod contínui in sinu meo, multárum géntium,
quo exprobravérunt inimíci tui, Dómine, * quo exprobravérunt vestígia christi tui.
Benedíctus Dóminus in ætérnum. * Fiat, fiat.
But you have spurned and rejected him;
you are enraged against your anointed.
You have repudiated the covenant of your servant,
you have trampled his crown in the dust.
You have demolished his walls
and laid his fortifications in ruins.
Anyone who passes can despoil him;
he is a mockery among his neighbours.
You have strengthened the arm of those who oppress him,
you have gladdened the hearts of his enemies.
You have turned back the sharp edge of his sword;
you have deprived him of your help in battle.
You have put an end to his splendour,
and cast his throne to the ground.
You have cut short the days of his youth;
you have covered him from head to foot in shame.
How long, O Lord, will you hide yourself? For ever?
Will your anger always burn like fire?
Remember how short is my time.
Was it truly so pointless, your creation of man?
Who is the man who can live and not die,
who can save his life from the grasp of the underworld?
Where are the kindnesses you showed us of old?
Where is the truth of your oath to David?
Remember, Lord, how your servants are taunted,
the taunts I bear in my bosom, the taunts of the nations –
the insults of your enemies, Lord,
the insults that follow the steps of your anointed!
(Psalm 89: 39-53)
The work holds no joy, no attraction, no zeal. I remember, I told Mother Provincial, that I was leaving Loreto--for souls--for a single soul--and she could not understand my words.--I do my best.--I spend myself--but am more than convinced that the work is not mine. I do not doubt that it was You who called me, with so much love and force.--It was You--I know. That is why the work is Yours and it is You even now--but I have no faith--I don't believe.--Jesus, don't let my souls be deceived--nor let me deceive anyone.
(Blessed Mother Teresa, Come Be My Light, p 193)
(Letter of Mother Teresa to Archbishop Périer)
Your Grace,
Why is it that everybody is good to us?--I have no answer but one deep gratitude....
There is so much contradiction in my soul.--Such deep longing for God--so deep that it is painful--a suffering continual--and yet not wanted by God--repulsed--empty--no faith--no love--no zeal.--Souls hold no attraction--Heaven means nothing--to me it looks like an empty place--the thought of it means nothing to me and yet this torturing longing for God.--Pray for me please that I keep smiling at Him in spite of everything. For I am only His--so he has every right over me. I am perfectly happy to be nobody even to God....
Your devoted child in Jesus Christ,
M. Teresa, MC
(Blessed Mother Teresa, Come Be My Light, pp 169-170)
Before crosses used to frighten me--I used to get goose bumps at the thought of suffering--but now I embrace suffering even before it actually comes, and like this Jesus and I live in love.
Do not think that my spiritual life is strewn with roses--that is the flower which I hardly ever find on my way. Quite the contrary, I have more often as my companion "darkness." And when the night becomes very thick--and it seems to me as if I will end up in hell--then I simply offer myself to Jesus. If He wants me to go there--I am ready--but only under the condition that it really makes Him happy.
I need much grace, much of Christ's strength to persevere in trust, in that blind love which leads only to Jesus Crucified. But I am happy--yes happier than ever. And I would not wish at any price to give up my sufferings.
But do not, however, think that I am only suffering. Ah no--I am laughing more than I am suffering--so that some have concluded that I am Jesus' spoiled bride, who lives with Jesus in Nazareth--far away from Calvary. ...Pray, pray for me--I really need His love.
(Blessed Mother Teresa, The Private Writings of the "Saint of Calcutta")
[A psalm for the dark night of the soul]
I cry out to you, Lord, by day and by night.
Lord God, my saviour,
I have cried out to you by day and by night.
Let my prayer come before you:
turn your ear to my request.
For my soul is full of evils,
my life has come close to its end.
I am counted with those who go down to the pit:
I am left without help.
I am one of the dead,
like the murdered who sleep in their tombs,
who lie there forgotten,
cut off from your care.
You have thrust me down into the pit,
to the gloom and the shadow of death.
Your anger weighs heavy upon me;
you have drowned me under your waves.
You have taken my friends away from me:
you have made me hateful in their sight,
I am shut in, I may not go out.
My eyes are weak from my sufferings.
I have called to you, Lord, all the day;
I have stretched out my hands to you.
Is it for the dead that you perform your wonders?
Will the ghosts rise up and proclaim you?
In the tomb, will they tell of your kindness?
Will they tell of your faithfulness in the place of the lost?
Will your wonders be known in the darkness,
or your righteousness in the land of oblivion?
And so I have called out to you, Lord,
and in the morning my prayer will come before you.
With what purpose, Lord, do you reject my soul?
Why do you hide your face from me?
I am poor; from my youth I have been dying;
I have borne the terrors you sent, I am lost in confusion.
Your anger has overrun me, your terrors have broken me:
they have flowed round me like water,
they have besieged me all the day long.
You have taken my friends and those close to me:
all I have left is shadows.
(Psalm 88)